virtues

this evening's mass was great!
the mass was celebrated by Fr Ambrose Vaz - a visiting priest.
homily was also done by him. very very meaningful.

altho it was 1 of those 'lets reflect and look at the true meaning of christmas' kinda homily,
it really spoke to my heart and made me pause to tink abt it.
from the moment i stepped into the main church, my heart really felt at peace.
it was 1 of the most serene moments of my life. n i'm not sure why.
perhaps i felt Mother Mary's comforting presence..

i jus wanted to cry so badly in church earlier. was fighting to hold back all my tears altho some did leak.
i was shaking. nervous abt wad my dad wud tink or feel when i break e news to him.
wonder why i feel like i'm such a failure and y i cudnt hav done anything better.
why cudnt i hav been a better daughter?
my dad doesnt deserve such a dumb kid.

sorry i'm jus ranting.
but really.
*shrugs*

today marks the 3rd week of advent. a time of joy, in preparation of Christ's coming.
i need to seek solace. i need God. i need strength to overcome myself.
i tink i am my greatest weakness.
i dun feel the most joyful at dis moment. altho i do noe i hav a lot to be joyful abt.
i am. at a no. of things.
dere shudnt be any but(s)..
however, i am unhappy abt certain other things too.

i need to let it out of my system. some where , some how.

today's homily's main focus was on forgiveness being a virtue.
it was also mentioned dat we shud love, share, forgive and be Christ like.
if given a situation, tink abt how Jesus wud react. and perhaps amulate it.
can i be Christ like?
i know i want to be. i know i try. very hard.
Fr Vaz asked the congregation, wad is it that makes us (Christians) different frm e general public of pple who celebrate Christmas too?
He also asked how we (Christians) wanna remember our last (previous) Christmas to be?
do we wanna remember it for the great parties at whoever's place? or the great food we had at dis restaurant? etc..
or do we wanna remember more significant events like - who did we forgive last Christmas? who did we love last Christmas? did we spread God's love last Christmas? etc..

i tink dat was a gd question.
last Christmas, was good. i reconciled wif some pple. and forgave some pple.
i need to continue to do dat and i need to continue to love God's pple.
i need to be humble and i need to learn to be forgiving.

to all my dearest frens, i know dis may not be the best mode or means to communicate this but i still feel like conveying my feelings.
Before this year (2005) ends, i wud like to apologise to everyone.
every single one of u who reads dis.
i am sorry if i've been a lousy fren and i'm sorry if i havent been dere for u.
ur frenship has been a great gift and truly, there's nthg more i cud ask for.
Thank u all so much for always being patient wif me.
i noe i'm not the easiest person to deal wif, and i noe i hav tonnes of issues n moments.
and i apologise for u all havin to put up wif my shit time and again.

one thing's for sure, i appreciate each and everyone of u.
Thank u all for everything.
really hope dat God will continue to bless our frenship and may it continue to blossom.
my wish and prayer for each n everyone of u everyday is for u to be safe, happy and peaceful.

Forgiveness is a virtue.
One dat i shall keep to as long as i live.
Love transcends everything.
do u believe in dat statement?
i tink i do.

God bless u all.